Tears in My Coffee

Despite all my resolutions, I'm sad today. I woke up in a funk and no amount of coffee seems to be able to shake it. It started yesterday. But today it has grown to the full-on blues.

My friend Pender (not a romantic interest; if you only knew!) called me yesterday afternoon to ask if I was going to the party at Sissy's house tonight. I'd forgotten about it, which I took to be a good sign that my resolutions were going to stick this time. (And I didn't have a single glass of wine last night! I didn't even miss it!) I tried to decline because it's only Thursday and I think I should stay home more on school nights. But Pender was lonely and said he needed to get out of the house. (I can't blame him there. I don't honestly know how he lives there.) He almost begged me to go with him. So I told him about my resolutions. Naturally he was supportive about all that and even said that he always thought I should write. (I am so excited about this! I have let life get in the way of my art for so long!) But he has gossip and I simply cannot resist gossip. He says he has something really nasty about one of my neighbors and would not even say who it was unless I agreed to go to the party with him.

But that's not why I'm blue today, of course. That was all good. That started later. I asked Margot (that's my daughter; 12) if she minded watching her sister for a couple of hours while I went out. She rolled her eyes (as only a pre-teen can) and said, "I thought Harcourt dumped you!" in her most vicious tone. She is such a brat. I know she is angry at me for all the time I spent with Harcourt and the hundreds of times I asked her to babysit so I could be with him but it's hard to be nice to someone who has just said something so cruel. I started crying, like a fool, and went to my room but she never even apologized. The crazy thing is that I'm sad because Harcourt is gone--even though I know he is a jerk--not because Margot is angry with me. I do miss him, despite all the things I siad about being glad he is gone. And I did not need to be reminded by a pre-teen. So, I'm going to the party. Margot can be civil to me if she wants me to stay in with her. I need something to look forward to.

Oh, and Pender said he has a present for me. (!!!) And I know what that means. But I'm not exactly going to say it here in a place where the entire world can read about it! (You sillies! No, I will not tell you!) I'm sure that a night out with Pender will improve my mood.